Teacher: “Ok everyone, I see that you all made through the Fourth of July parties.“
Me: As I smile at her. Ok, ok, let’s get started.
Teacher: “Come to the front of the mat. Close you eyes and ….”
A few breaths and moves later,
Me: OMG. I think I am enlightened. I feel light through my eyes. Wow. How do I stay in this state in all my practice?
Teacher: “Another deep breath. Now drop your hands by your side and open your eyes.”
I just found out that the sun shines into the room at a certain angle by about 5:40 pm. Well…you get the idea.
Teacher: “Inhale, arms up. Now swan dive down and hang there like a rag doll.”
My stomach: Rrrrr
Teacher: “Become aware of your body.”
Me: Heavily aware of my glutes by now. Hold it. Serves you well for eating one whole raw habanero pepper.
Teacher: “Come up into monkey.”
Me: Who comes up with these names? I wonder what other people in class are thinking.
People near me: Show off. What is it with her?
Me: Oh yeah. Check me out. I’m touching the floor boys and girls. With both palms. Aha.
Teacher: Inhale up.
Me: I wonder if Gary and Karen are married.
Teacher: Downward dog
Me: Oh shit. My cleavage shows. Why is my hair so big?
A few moves later
Teacher: go into child’s pose.
Me: Ahhh. Wait a minute. I check the back of my waistline. OMG, my thong shows. Did anyone see that? Quickly adjust.
Me: Ok, ok. Tighten up that sphincter girl. It’s too quiet for noises to go unnoticed.
Teacher: We are going to add another layer. It’s like layered cake.
Teacher: “Bahar, I said bring one leg forward not both.”
Me: “Sorry.” I’m going to Starbucks tomorrow.
Teacher: “Warrior one”
Me: I hope Casey got me approved for the hike on Saturday.
Teacher: “Now let’s go into table-top. From here lift up your knees and go up on your toes.“
Me: I need to bu…oh…hello lower back.
Teacher: “Now sit up on the knees. We are going to do camel pose in different stages.”
Me: Damn. Was that my knee? I think I broke it.
Teacher: “Come to the front of the mat, bend and hung your knees. Now roll back.”
Me: What the heck? Was that my back or the floor?
Teacher: “Slowly come into rest pose.”
Me: What should I put down for my word count on the proposal? Wait. What was the number of words per page of printed book? I gotta look that up again.
My eyes open by mistake.
Teacher: “Ok, everyone wiggle your fingers and toes. Now slowly roll to one side and come into a seated position.”
Me: Do they know that turning to right calms you down and turning to the left energizes you? Where did I hear that?
Teacher: Bring you hands to your heart.
Teacher: “The light in me honors the light in you. Namaste.”
Me: Oops. Too soon.
Me: “Namaste. Thank you.”
On the way out. Jeez my hair is tired.