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Teacher: “Ok everyone, I see that you all made through the Fourth of July parties.“
Me
:  As I smile at her. Ok, ok, let’s get started.
Teacher: “Come to the front of the mat. Close you eyes and ….”
A few breaths and moves later,
Me: OMG.  I think I am enlightened.  I feel light through my eyes.  Wow. How do I stay in this state in all my practice?
Teacher:  “Another deep breath.  Now drop your hands by your side and open your eyes.”
Me: Oh. 
I just found out that the sun shines into the room at a certain angle by about 5:40 pm. Well…you get the idea.
Teacher:  “Inhale, arms up.  Now swan dive down and hang there like a rag doll.”
My stomach:  Rrrrr
Teacher: “Become aware of your body.”
Me: Heavily aware of my glutes by now.  Hold it.   Serves you well for eating one whole raw habanero pepper. 
Teacher: “Come up into monkey.”
Me: Who comes up with these names? I wonder what other people in class are thinking.
GuysBoobs. 
People near meShow off. What is it with her?
Me: Oh yeah. Check me out.  I’m touching the floor boys and girls.  With both palms.  Aha.
Teacher: Inhale up.
Me: I wonder if Gary and Karen are married. 
Teacher:  Downward dog
Me: Oh shit.  My cleavage shows. Why is my hair so big?
A few moves later
Teacher: go into child’s pose.
Me: Ahhh.  Wait a minute.  I check the back of my waistline.  OMG, my thong shows.  Did anyone see that?  Quickly adjust.
Rrrrrrr
Me: Ok, ok.  Tighten up that sphincter girl.  It’s too quiet for noises to go unnoticed. 
Teacher: We are going to add another layer.  It’s like layered cake.
Me: Hmmm….cake.
Teacher: “Bahar, I said bring one leg forward not both.”
Me:  “Sorry.” I’m going to Starbucks tomorrow.
Teacher: “Warrior one”
Me: I hope Casey got me approved for the hike on Saturday.
Teacher: “Now let’s go into table-top. From here lift up your knees and go up on your toes.“
Me: I need to bu…oh…hello lower back. 
Teacher: “Now sit up on the knees.  We are going to do camel pose in different stages.”
POP!
Me: Damn.  Was that my knee? I think I broke it. 
Teacher:  “Come to the front of the mat, bend and hung your knees.  Now roll back.”
Crack.
Me: What the heck?  Was that my back or the floor?
Teacher:  “Slowly come into rest pose.”    
Me: What should I put down for my word count on the proposal?  Wait. What was the number of words per page of printed book? I gotta look that up again. 
My eyes open by mistake.
Teacher: “Ok, everyone wiggle your fingers and toes.  Now slowly roll to one side and come into a seated position.”
Me: Do they know that turning to right calms you down and turning to the left energizes you?  Where did I hear that?
Teacher:  Bring you hands to your heart.
I Bow.
Teacher: “The light in me honors the light in you.  Namaste.”
Me: Oops. Too soon. 
Bow again.
Me: “Namaste. Thank you.”
On the way out.  Jeez my hair is tired. 

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