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imagesA friend of mine is going through divorce.  It is quite the process, as some of you may know, and I have been privy to as much as she choses to share along the way.  Things are a bit more complicated because they have children.  Naturally, she was anxious about telling the kids when they separated.  She worried about what will happen, how the relationship with her kids will enfold, what will the future bring, etc.  Remarkably, though, both were committed to co-parenting great kids.  Now new anxiety started over how the little ones will take it.   There were lots of tears shed before she and her husband sat down with the kids.

During my phone conversations with mom I shared those concerns hoping to gain some perspective and give the right advice/feedback since I don’t have kids.

She started with how kids are more resilient than you think.  The younger they are, the easier they can adapt.  A couple of my friends, who had been through it, had said the same.  Still, I insisted about how devastated my friend is and how she broke down when we last spoke.

The reassuring tone stopped.

“Let me ask you this.  Are the kids healthy?

“Yes.”

“Are the parents well? Healthy? Loving? Committed to being there for the kids afterwards?”

“Yes.”

“Then darling, it’s just divorce.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, divorce was created for a reason, for people who are at a point where they can’t live together any longer.  People lost their sons in the war.  Remember the massive earthquake? Think of all the kids whose parents died in the earthquake.  And you know what? Even after all those tragedies, lives went on.  Your friend, her husband, and their children are alive and well.  It’s just divorce.”

Ha.  Where was that sentence when I was going through divorce?

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